26.7.06

Lebanon's Beautiful Faces


I was going to publish this post of mine in Arabic, but thanks to Mirvat, here's the translation for non-arabic readers.

I leave my house every day running away from my reflection in the mirror. I flee to empty streets and closed shops. My face lurks in the windows of the shops.

I don’t keep track of the hour. The days lost me. I get my first lesson in tranquilizers from the pharmacist and I see my face in his look, his gestures and the pill.

I open my mail. Friends. Strangers. Interviews. Tender voices. I say I am fine. I see my face blink between the silence and the words.

I search for my scream that is yet to reach out. An angry silence, dry, dances to the constant deafening humming in my head. I do everything for the violent banging to stop. I pray to be swiftly swept by menstrual pain so I would forget the pain festering in my thoughts. I pray to vomit it out with all what is stuck inside of me of disgust and hate and burned bodies and indifferent world. I pray for these faces to look away.
These faces that, every time I try to hide my eyes, take my hands away and stare at me.

How our faces resemble the heart and soul of this land. How they carry prints of our sand, our dust our papers and our dates.. How they resemble the vineyards of Bekaa, the apples of the mountain, Saida’s castle and Sour’s marina. How full these faces are of the summer’s sun, of December’s wrath, of rain dripples on the windows and of September’s last days. How our faces scream of springs, of mountain roads, of tree branches that witnessed our childhood, of stolen first kisses… How our faces draw smiles out of disasters and print the tears we dried with laughter… How you, My Lebanon, live in our faces…

On TV, a caller mourns Layal, the journalist killed by Israeli aggression, hoping Layal’s shining soul would live again through her gorgeous face, the voice whispers to her “you too are like my Lebanon, beautiful, smart worldly, your fate is to always die at the end”… All these faces… Lebanon every where I go… And I cannot look…

And you… you come to take my hands off my face, you demand that I look. You raise your voice “look, look!”, while you tie my tired wrists. And you keep demanding till I finally scream, a scream far out, out of the earth. A scream stronger of all the details in history and all the destinies. A scream for Lebanon’s beautiful faces.

9 Comments:

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 11:58:00 PM, Blogger arch.memory said...

Eve, I read your post in Arabic on your blog (as it ought to be read). But I wanted to leave my comment here, because there are so many comments on your blog, and none so far here. It seems such a pity that the better humane posts here get no comments, and the political ones go rampant with them. But maybe that's a good thing, a sign of respect. I am tired of the political wranglings on other posts, of fighting with words over people's lives. I am tired of posting them, tired of reading them, and tired of commenting on them. I am sick of mud slinging; we talk like we owned people's lives. And what does it matter in the end?
I am tired of following the news and of realizing once and again how little anybody cares. Right now all I want to read is your subtle infrequent posts. I just want to read your words like I want to call home at lunch everyday and cry. And feel bad for crying to them when they should be crying to me. Just write some more, lull me and all those who are reading silently, and want nothing else to read but a beautiful human being. Because they are so rare these days, such beings.
I told my brother on the phone today, "I have given up on humanity!" And he said, "You can't, I am part of it." And in this you told me the same. Bless you, dear...

 
At Thursday, July 27, 2006 12:21:00 AM, Blogger fisherman217 said...

I visited Lebanon only once...in 1966. And every face I saw looked familiar, not because I had seen them before, but because I saw myself in them. I haven't forgotten the faces of Lebanon after 40 years. They were, indeed, very beautiful. May God once again bless all those lovely faces of Lebanon...and the Middle East.

Your words speak for us all. We are, indeed, all one, and yet, we are, sadly, all just a little blind. But, maybe if we were really blind, we would be able to then live together because we would have such a great need for each other. But, alas, we'd be unable to see such beautiful faces.

My prayers...

 
At Thursday, July 27, 2006 12:26:00 AM, Blogger linalone said...

"I have given up on humanity!", We must not Ashraf. But it seems that we all did. :(

 
At Thursday, July 27, 2006 12:39:00 AM, Blogger Enriqueta said...

This is one of Bob's post it is still on the Lebonese blogg forum.

It was also on his personal blogg that is now non-existant. checking his blogg he is has been linked to just over 354 bloggs, news sources from the AP, to USA today as well as international press.

why is personal blogg reading error and his post before july are there but not now?

Has anyone heard from Bob?

blessings,
Enriqueta








Unity? What unity?

I have been calling for peace and for putting internal pressure on Hezbollah to stop its violence, and now it seems that Hezbollah is the one pressuring the rest of us. People criticized me for offering a dissenting opinions and supposedly shattering our unity, while the pro Hezbollah forces in Lebanon and outside have been waging a fierce campaign against all the different factions. Nassrallah to Najah Wakim and all the rest of these guys, they have been attacking all those who stand against them, or have not supported Hezbollah, totally vilifying them, calling them traitors and maybe soon burning them at the stake.

It is shame, and it gives you a snap shot of what will happen if Hezbollah wins… the end of Democracy, the end of freedom of press and the end of Lebanon. Some of you will bombard me with comments saying look at Israel it is destroying Lebanon and killing its people, and if Hezbollah loses then we will be humiliated. That might be true. But this is reality and reality sucks. Nothing is totally black or white. All is gray and dripping with blood. Both prospects of this war are a nightmare; there is no solution that benefits us, the people of Lebanon. Everything benefits some external power. Iran or the USA. Israel or Syria. Our country is once more the battle ground for foreign powers using internal pawns. No matter who wins, Lebanon will lose!

Many will ask why not pressure Israel. Well I encourage you and will help you in this endeavor, but I have been here in 93 and 96 and that does not work and this time Israel did not start the violence, Hezbollah did and they have to make the first step to find a solution. Does this mean that I support Israel!! Not at all, as I repeatedly said earlier, I condemn all kind of violence, especially when it target civilians, no matter what are the reasons. And Israel methods of using excessive violence, targeting innocent and destroying infrastructure have been one of the reasons, among many others, that we are in this mess that keeps getting messier…

So where is the solution? I do not know, I am tired, I am sick of this whole thing and I feel helpless. Every time I call for peace I feel like I am committing high treason.
I feel that the county have been destroyed and its soul is slowly being poisoned, by hate, by fundamentalism. More and more people have picked up the rhetoric of war and violence. And people are still being killed, infrastructures is till being vaporized and Hezbollah are till being portrayed as heroes, with no end to violence in sight.

Real peace is the only way. All parties internal and external must understand that we do not care for any ideologies, religions, or dreams of grandeur. Let them keep their battle for the whole Umma, and their fantasies of destruction and death. We are sick of all this. We want peace and we want it now! No more war, not with Israel or Syria or anyone else. Nothing gets accomplished through violence nothing but death.

At the end it does not matter who is to blame and who started this, all what matter is that if you stop believing in peace, no matter how much it hurts at the moment, then we and our beloved country are really lost.

PEACE NOW

posted by BOB @ 11:13 PM 22 comments

 
At Thursday, July 27, 2006 4:52:00 AM, Blogger R2K said...

Cool blog, thanks for the info.

Please note, all explosives are chemical weapons by your logic.

Much of what you say about FAEs and vacuum weapons show that you are really buying into conspiracy theories that are rampant in the islamic world. Misinformation is not really helpful in figuring things out.

Regardless: Does it really matter if you get killed via a large conventional bomb, a bullet, or a chemical? It is still death, still horrible.

 
At Thursday, July 27, 2006 8:14:00 AM, Blogger public relations disaster said...

"Does it really matter if you get killed via a large conventional bomb, a bullet, or a chemical? It is still death, still horrible."

yes, it does matter. a lot of people don't die, believe it or not, and the components that are used in a bomb make all the difference when it comes to chances for recovery, level of pain and so on. some people will die slowly and the use of phosphorus, for example, only makes their agony worse.

 
At Thursday, July 27, 2006 12:48:00 PM, Blogger Eve said...

my dear Ashraf, Im so glad to have met you. Please stay the way you are... and listen to A. (sallemleh 3aleih kteer). You can't give up!

Fisherman,
thx you, your comment means a lot. Hopefully, you'll come back and you'll see those beautiful faces that haven't changed a bit.

Alex,
read the post again. and spare me your irrelevant comments.

 
At Sunday, July 30, 2006 7:44:00 PM, Blogger Roseprincess said...

Eve, your post was beautiful. My heart breaks for you and the suffering of your country. Not all Americans support this latest madness, but our government does not listen. The leaders do what they want and innocent civilians suffer.
We have to keep speaking for peace...maybe one day they will listen.

 
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