How comfortable is our society for women?
As I mentioned after Eve's brilliant Linalone interview: enough politics for two minutes. We can impose change in society as much as we can in politics and more. Many interesting issues were brought up in the interview but I choose to talk about our society and how it contributed in shaping Linalone's decisions.
Suffocated, misunderstood, resignation... oriental are the words we can find defining aspects of society in the interview. Is Linalone the only one who feels this towards our male dominated community? Whether we like it or not, in our society; traditional oriental ethics still rule as the law. Maybe the younger generation now is more westernized but it is still ruled by the tradition.
Needless to say that everything a boy does here is at most "experimental", whether whatever a girl does is "suspiciously indecent" and more. I don't know how they can take so much pressure in order to keep the "good girl" image. And if they don't, they are not "decent", not a "bent 3ayleh".
it's not only the fault of the parents, most girls here adapted to the system, that's why a certain Fawwaz Traboulsi once said: "Lebanese girls are very open-minded in their dress code, but their openness ends here".
Ridiculous is this society, with its infinite moral codes and taboos. In the same time, heroic is this society for its openness relatively to our neighbours in Syria and Saudi Arabia... But do we have to wait for TV to change our lives or for grandmas to change their ways of thinking?
It's also funny how secterianism also affects society; we Lebanese like competition, each clan tries to show it takes care of its morals more than the other. We even race in strictness and "decency".
And all this is happening under the supervision of the Lebanese male. I'm so sad that in these times, where a family shoudl be a group of friends, we still have the father as head of the house here. I'm not being extreme, I'm not saying we're the Taliban, just that the majority of women are just Passive to everything around them. I for one am turned off by a woman who just waits.
And when a girl like Linalone is facing a problem: instead of helping, society just barries everything for the sake of "correctness".
posted by Anonymous @ 4:11 PM
10 Comments:
I'm not sure that the "majority of women are just Passive to everything around them" ... but society (and our perception of what society/civilization should be) definitely has a role in some of the problems you point out.
First, glad you liked the interview :)
ba3dein, women are women whether oriental or western. it's not just the social aspect of their environment that affect the way they behave, it's the legal/civil status one too. I'll just cite a couple of examples: no matter how fucked up was the father, he always gets the children after a divorce; a woman who discovers her husband is cheating on her better keep her mouth shut, since legally she'll still lose the children, and won't get any compensation; crimes of honor etc...
how do they expect women to flourish in this part of the world, when everything is just against them? It is, indeed, a man's (oriental) world.
i disagree...
People who know me, know how my personality does not go with the society as we know it. I was never passive. I always did what I thought was right. I kept getting warnings that people might consider me as not a "bint 3ayle" and I heard as many rumors as there are stars in the sky.
Later, people just gave up talking and just watched. They got to know me better and realized this is just the way I am. I now am a respected female of our society. A young lady who is known for accomplishing a lot.. and a role model for younger girls.
I grew up as a tomboy... and a feminist. I had to be tough and cold and it was harder for me then it was for the guys around me but I got here and I know of a lot of girls who got to do the same.
Zwixo, I think this problem starts with the duality of moral codes in Lebanon. Although I am only living in Lebanese society, but I think this applies to a great extent in Arab World.
The duality of moral codes with respect male can best be exemplified when many guys go to brothels or when they go abroad and "jump" from a girl friend to another. The ironic thing is that when most of these guys want to marry, they want a girl who was only kissed by her mother (as the Lebanese proverb, "ma baiss timma illa imma") meaning that she should be a pure virgin. This, in my opinion, reflects a serious problem; if this guy allows himself to have premarital marriage, he should accept this for his future wife, as a bare minimum of fairness.
Regarding the "female", duality of moral codes can be best exemplified when some/many girls would dress in an obscene outfit, yet they realize the "look but don't touch" approach. According to the basic laws of nature, the female tries to tempt the male in order to copulate; but obviously this is not the case in Lebanon, as the male is just tempted for "proof of concept" purposes.
About time! Thank you again, Eve! Time to talk about women's rights, civil marriage, sectarianism, racism, gay rights, foreigners' rights (including, in particular, Plestinians), etc. But this is definitely a good first step. And I think one way to constructively approach it is through addressing the concretes of socitey rather than the perceptions. What I mean by that is the law, the way the law discriminates, and that is something you brought up in your comment. I am not a lawyer nor do I know the law that well, but I do know that is where the change needs to happen. That inadvertently will be related to issues such as sectarianism and civil law (instead of this regressive referal to religious law for personal matters). It's a big project, but one that I consider essential for us as a nation to move beyond the stumbling block of true modernity that the entire Arab world is still languishing behind.
Ahmad is right - the way Lebanese males are brought up is that every female is a whore, especially foreign women... this concept will fade when the current generation of mothers of teens (and older) and grandmothers fades. I find it surprising knowing so many strong, self-reliant and self-made women here. Nonetheless, most men in the Middle East still want to marry want they want to believe is a virgin....nice to know the Middle Ages are still thriving in some parts....
Here's some more info on legal discrimination against women.
desmond and ahmed... i dont see the relation between strong self-reliant women and virginity!
I think all y'all are mixing between several topics... all these topics should be discussed thoroughly... but try not to have them clash...
PS: Zwixo, in my comment I had thanked Eve, assuming that the post was by her since the topic first came up in her interview with Linalone. I just realized you posted this. The thanks of course goes to you, as well!
Desmond:
I think you misunderstood my point. I didn't say that "Lebanese males are brought up is that every female is a whore, especially foreign women..." Actually, if you read my comment carefully, you will notice that I didn't try to judge premarital sex in anyway. All that I intended to say is that some guys are being unfair when they would allow themselves to have sexual relationships outside marriage, yet they will not accept this for their future wives. "Nonetheless, most men in the Middle East still want to marry want they want to believe is a virgin....nice to know the Middle Ages are still thriving in some parts." I don't think that being a virgin has anything to do with living in the "Middle Ages". If a guy or a girl decides to have or not to have sexual relationships outside marriage for their own reasons, then in both cases, it is 'freedom of belief'.
Rampurple:
You said, "i dont see the relation between strong self-reliant women and virginity!" and I totally agree with you; I can't see any relationship between them either! Was my comment this much misleading and unclear???
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